Last week I was grappling with an ironic or maybe opposing emotional feelings. A death and birthday celebration in one day. It has always been said that we never appreciate what we have until we lose it. I reflected on the thought. I have won and lost precious people in my life and the thought of regrets really never came about because I know that I have done enough to give of myself also. As I dwelt on the losing bit, I thought, did I truly appreciate them, all that I have come across? If theres any regret I have are my imperfection and stupid flaws; and my sentiments do get in the way and never tried hard enough to hang on.
I have also been pondering. Am I maybe just driving the course believing that my purpose has been served? Am I still worth anything? But nonetheless, I must go on while reflecting on my high school yearbook theme “Must he finish the fight alone?”. If I have to then so be it.
I am standing at another crossroad in my life where what matters is not about making myself better anymore, but make things better for the people around me, for the people I care about. Am I equipped enough to do that? Time will tell.
Just like this photo, everything became gray around me and the little colors that are left in my life, I should just simply surrender them to my Creator; let Him redirect the course of my life. I know He will lead me over that hill and my joy will be complete.